i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
