I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
