i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
