Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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