im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
