If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
