he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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