She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Couch. On fire.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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