My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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