just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
