apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
