Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
