Too much gin, very little bucket
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
