On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
