Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
