Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I die, sorry about rent.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
