Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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