you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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