Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
