I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
