I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
