lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
