So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
