Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
