wakey wakey hands off snakey
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
