I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
