If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
