You're my little dorito
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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