Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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