Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
