Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Randomize
