i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
