I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
