pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
