You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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