if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
