I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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