Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
