What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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