If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
