this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
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