I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
