i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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