Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
