wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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