So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
