Your dad touched me again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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