By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
