Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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