bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
