never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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