I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
