Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
