I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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