i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
